Why saying your price out loud feels so hard

Updated from an originally shared Tuesday email. Bringing the best ones here for the newsletter archive.

Last year, there would always be a moment towards the end of a Clarity Chat when I knew the pricing conversation would come up. As we got closer and they started asking how I work, I could feel the fear and anticipation starting to rise up in my body. I would start to tense up, heart beating faster, just wanting it to be over. 

Mostly, I really hoped I would say the right number. The right number being the number that is on my website, in my financials, and that I had been saying in my head. There was always a chance that once I had to say it outloud I would discount immediately on the call.

I know I'm not alone in this.

Rationally, we know we're worth it. Most of the people I work with go 150% or more for every client. They also want to build a business that generates real revenue. And that requires actually charging for the value you deliver.

But that panic that comes up in a call, it isn't really about the money. Or at least, not only.

It's about self-worth. It's about being clear on who your offer is for and what value it brings, even if you don't have it all figured out. Even if it changes in three months. It's about believing that you deserve to be paid to learn and experiment.

And this can be harder for women. Research shows that women do ask for promotions and do negotiate, but are more likely to be penalized for it. If you’re coming from a traditional job, you may have scars from this that quietly decrease your confidence to ask for what you know you can deliver.

What I've seen actually move the needle.

Both for myself and for clients, it comes down to three things. 

Get clear on the value of your offer.
Not your time or your credentials. The actual outcome for the client. What changes for them after working with you? What do they avoid, gain, or finally figure out? When you can answer that clearly, the number stops feeling arbitrary.

Understand your client's friction points deeply.
When you know exactly what your client is struggling with and can articulate how your offer solves it, pricing feels less like a guess and more like a conclusion. You're not hoping they'll see the value. You've built the offer around it.

Figure out where the resistance is coming from.
This one doesn't get talked about enough, and is definitely the hardest of them all. As the research on the ambition penalty reinforces, the discomfort around charging isn't personal failure. It's social. We weren't supposed to ask for money, or be ambitious about it, or take up that kind of space. Or it might also be family baggage. Some of it is just what we absorbed growing up. Some of it is the fear of being punished. Naming it doesn't fix it overnight, but it does stop you from treating it like a character flaw.

When you do the first two, the third gets easier. You're not just telling yourself you're worth it. You have evidence.