The Ambition Penalty

Let’s talk about ambition.

A few weeks ago I was working with a client—we’ll call her Becca—on designing her Ideal Client and Dream Outcome. This is the person she most wants to work with (ideal client) and the transformation they seek when working with you or buying your product (dream outcome). It’s a critical step in designing a high-value product.

Becca was sharing her ideal client’s dream outcome: for the department she leads to produce communications campaigns that change the world.

My gut reaction was that this felt surface level—more like what her Ideal Client thinks she’s supposed to say than what she really wants. So I kept digging. I asked Becca: what might your ideal client really want, that they aren’t telling you?

Eventually she said, “Oh, so you mean from a self-serving perspective?” That caught me off guard. But yes, I guess that is what I meant. Cynical or not, I’ve come to believe that most of what we do is self-serving—and that’s not a bad thing. We volunteer, donate, and mentor because it feels good. Because it aligns with our values. Because it reinforces who we want to be and how we want to show up in the world. That self-serving perspective is often what our ideal client truly wants but doesn’t always feel safe saying out loud.

It’s like someone saying they want to lose weight, when what they really want is to feel confident and comfortable in their own skin. The surface goal matters, but the deeper emotional truth is what makes them feel seen.

But I’ve been wondering: am I wrong? Could an Ideal Client’s dream outcome really just be about impact?

I think the answer is yes, and. Let’s break down some of the factors at play.

Women are just as ambitious—but it’s a harder climb

Women enter the workforce just as ambitious as men. They want to lead, grow, and be recognized for their contributions. But over time, that ambition is chipped away as they are consistently penalized for demonstrating it.

Studies show women leaders are significantly more likely to face microaggressions such as having their judgment questioned or being mistaken for someone more junior. These patterns intensify for mothers and women of color. Women are also more likely to be passed over for promotions or excluded from high-visibility projects after becoming parents, even when their performance remains strong.

That repeated mismatch—between effort and reward, visibility and recognition—can lead to what some think of as ambition burnout. The cost of wanting to grow is just too high. Senior-level women in the US and Canada continue to leave companies at high rates. There's just only so much fighting you can do. 

Gender dynamics still shape how ambition shows up

We’ve made real progress, but traditional expectations—that men are breadwinners and women are caregivers—still run strong. Even in dual-income or women-earner heterosexual households, women do more housework, more caregiving, and have nine hours less leisure time than their male partners.  

These imbalances aren’t just logistical—they’re emotional and cognitive. Women are more likely to carry the mental load: remembering the dentist appointment, being the first one the school calls, coordinating childcare. These invisible responsibilities are like a death by a thousand paper cuts. They chip away at both time and headspace: two things you need if you’re going to put real energy into the work you love.

Women are often running on less time, less support, and more internalized pressure to manage it all.

Ambition, when expressed, is shaped by what's socially acceptable

Women are often expected to express ambition differently—through social good, collective impact, or community leadership. Not power or personal gain.

It’s impossible to know how much of this is nature versus nurture. Gender norms have taught us what kinds of ambition are acceptable. And for women, ambition is more permissible when it’s in service of others.

The numbers don't lie: 50% of social enterprises globally are led by women, compared to just 20% of conventional businesses. That’s structural, not a coincidence. And in sectors like nonprofits or social impact, ambition—so long as it’s framed around mission, not self—is often welcomed. 

In my experience, women can absolutely desire a bigger role, more influence, or a seat at the decision-making table. But they’re often expected to downplay that desire. To show that their ambition is justified, that they've earned it. That it’s not about them, but the people they’re here to serve.

This shows up in tech too. One study found that women founders were more likely to receive funding when they emphasized the social mission of their ventures. The message is clear: ambition is more acceptable and fundable, for women when it aligns with perceived feminine traits like altruism or care.

So what does this mean for Becca—and her future clients?

In a world where women are still penalized for showing ambition—where they’re walking a tightrope of “damned if we do, damned if we don’t”—I can understand why Becca’s Ideal Client, a female head of comms, might not be shouting from the rooftops that she wants to be CEO.

Ambition isn’t simple. It’s tangled up in social expectations, workplace dynamics, and the very human need to feel like what we do matters. And yes, it can be self-serving. But that’s not something to shy away from—it’s something to understand and unpack.

Because when you name the real dream—not just the one someone thinks they’re allowed to say—you meet your clients where they are. And when we design offers that speak to both the impact people want to make and the fulfillment they crave in doing it, we build businesses that are not only high-value—but human.