The Hidden Grief Behind Every Career Change

Whether you’ve been laid off, taken voluntary severance, or decided it’s finally time to leave a job, there’s one emotion we rarely name: grief.

I was talking the other day with someone who had recently left his job. We'll call him Sam. Sam and his company were parting ways after the company started rolling back Covid flexibility (I’m sure many can relate). He was actually fine with leaving. He had a new business lined up, plenty of contacts, and initial work that he enjoyed was waiting for him. But he was grieving.

Grieving the fact that his old job didn’t work out. Even though he was ready to move on, it didn’t happen on his terms. It felt like a breakup he agreed with, but wished he’d been the "breaker up-er."

Even when you’re ready to leave, you lose a lot more than a paycheck and a sense of stability.

• You lose a piece of your identity: the title, the role, the version of you that made sense (and was easy to explain) inside that organisation.
• You lose structure: the routines, the expectations, the rhythm someone else built for you. “Total freedom” can quickly feel like free-fall.
• You lose community: the people you talked to every day, the inside jokes, the shorthand. Even jobs you didn’t love offered belonging.
• You lose certainty. No matter how solid your next move is, or how actually unpredicitable "stable" jobs can be, you’re stepping into the ambiguous. Your nervous system notices.

The 5 Stages

You might know the traditional five stages of grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. These show up in career and identity transitions too:

Denial:

• Avoiding or acting like everything is okay.
• Putting on a happy face, convincing yourself it’s for the better.
• Filling up the calendar immediately to avoid sitting with your thoughts.
• Pretending the transition is just a “quick break,” not a major shift.

Anger:

• Frustration at how the decision was handled — the process, the timing, the lack of clarity.
• Feeling betrayed after giving so much to the organisation.
• Being angry at yourself for “not seeing it coming.”

Bargaining:

• "Maybe I should have stayed quiet in that meeting."
• "If I had put in more hours, they’d have seen my value."

Depression:

• Feeling the sadness of losing that identity, community, pathway to “success.”
• Seeing the uncertain road ahead.
• Grieving the version of your future you thought you were building.
• Feeling self-doubt creep in: “What if I’m not actually capable of this next chapter?”

Acceptance:

• Finally acknowledging: “This chapter ended. That doesn’t make me wrong or bad.” 
• Starting to make decisions based on what you want, not what the old identity wanted.
• Feeling genuine pockets of excitement about the next path.
• Not needing everything figured out to trust you’ll find your footing.

You can be excited about the future and still grieve the past. In fact, most people will, at one point or another, no matter how “ready” they were to leave. Grieving is a critical step in being able to confidently move forward. 

If you’re navigating a transition, ask yourself: Which part of my old role am I still grieving — the work, the identity, the structure, or the belonging?

Naming it is usually what lets you finally move to the next step.

What's your experience been?