Community Isn’t Accidental Anymore

Building community has come up in a lot of my conversations in the last week. Specifically around how do we actually build it?

You've likely heard about the loneliness epidemic. The U.S. Surgeon General called it a public health crisis in 2023, and 13% of Europeans report feeling lonely most or all of the time. For entrepreneurs, 46% struggle with loneliness and isolation at work.

There are key moments in life where making friends is just easier. There's actually a friendship formula: proximity, frequency, duration, and intensity. When you're at school, work, or in a key life moment like having kids or getting a puppy, you don't have to work hard to hit those factors, they just happen organically.

We also live in a time when it's increasingly rare to stay in the same place for decades. People leave their hometowns, move for work, and live far from family. You have to very intentionally build your village.

And let's say you've intentionally built your community. Then life happens. You move, or your friends move, or you outgrow old friendships, or your kids change schools, or you become a solopreneur. Suddenly you find yourself in midlife trying to figure out: how do you build community all over again?

Midlife friendship making can feel like dating. And dating is exhausting. You have to put yourself out there, risk rejection, manufacture reasons to see people again. Without that automatic proximity or frequency, like seeing someone regularly at work or school, you're starting from zero every time. Some research even says you need 200+ hours before you can consider someone a close friend.

So as a solopreneur, how do you build this kind of community? 

I like this idea that there are multiple kinds of friends. The Champion who advocates for you, the Navigator who gives you life advice, the Energizer who lifts you up. You don't need one person to be everything. You need a few people who can serve different roles and give you different things.

So, start there. Where can you find one kind of friend?  

Here are some ideas. And yes, they all require putting yourself out there and making intentional effort. Just like dating, you'll have to try different approaches to see what works.

• I met someone this week who put a call out on LinkedIn to meet people. We had a lovely 45-minute chat and who knows what will come of it.
• Look for entrepreneur groups or co-working spaces in your local community. If there aren't any, see what's available virtually.
• Join or create a small mastermind group. Maybe 3-5 people at a similar stage who meet regularly to think through challenges together.
• Show up at the same place consistently. Whether it's a coffee shop, workout class, online community call, or pottery class. It might feel like you're manufacturing proximity and frequency, but really you're putting focus and attention where it matters.

I'm still figuring this out myself and don't have a perfect answer. But what I do know is that there is no magical solution and it won't solve itself. And there is something absurd about needing 200 hours with someone on top of everything else in life. I believe there is an in-between.

I'm also learning that you don't need to solve it all at once. You need one or two people. One consistent place you show up. One conversation that goes deeper than surface level. Start there.

If you're looking for community while thinking about building your own thing, here's an easy start: I'm running the Next Step Club on February 25th for a small, facilitated conversation for people considering going solo. It's not a workshop or a pitch, just honest conversation about what's holding you back and what your next step might be. Join me here.